Blog – Page 6 – Mistress Veronica NYC

Masocasting my ass off…

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Hey you lucky things, The Violent Fems and I are the newest podcast on Masocast, so shake a tail feather and get to listening.

Find it here: Funny, funny stuff

xoxo.

Drink Up And Be Somebody: An Ode to the King of Cool… (originally posted Jan 2013)

Dane Cook! Ha, ha. Not. I’ve been a little (okay a lot) obsessed with Dean Martin lately. Not because I admire his singing, but his in between song banter is hilarious. It’s a sort subtle, metaphorical rapid fire non sequitur Borsch Belt style of delivery, which well, just doesn’t exist anymore. Not only is it cleverly laden with metaphor and nuance, but HE TALKS ABOUT BLOWJOBS (“If you cut a woman in half, with my luck, I’d get the half that eats. I’ll drink to that.”), cheating on his wife, homosexuality (to Ken Lane, “We’ve been together 15 years, have I ever asked you to hold it?? Strike that.”), being a drunk (obviously), pedophilia (“Nothing could be finer than to shack up with a minor”), drug use (looking at his cigarette, “There ain’t no printing on this one at all! Anyone wanna go anyplace?”), references to his cock (“Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to my wonderful pianist”) Basically everything that Lenny Bruce was talking about around the same time, only Bruce used a more brackish (some would say bratty), INYOURFACE approach. So, how did Martin get away with it and Bruce got arrested? It was clearly all in the delivery. And the context. It is well known that at least toward the middle of his career, Dean would pretend to be drunk when he was onstage. It was a popular character of a politically incorrect time– The Lovable Drunk– (also employed by Martin’s friend Foster Brooks). But also, it was sort of genius because it gave him license to say really fucked up shit. Also, since many of his jokes are plays on words, he had added defense, “I’m confusing terminologies, you people are taking it all wrong!” He also frequently blames his pianist for supplying lyrics with inappropriate sayings. He employs all these devices to cover up how much of a filthy mind he had. Devices he most likely learned from comedians he worked closely with- Jerry Lewis (wait, maybe not him), Joe E. Lewis, and Jimmy Durante.

I’m sure no one reading this is surprised that a member of the Rat Pack was bawdy. I also know that I’m not alone in my romanticization of the early 60’s. I find the whole Mad Men phenomenon to be quite annoying (Guys! Stop wearing fedora’s! It’s only cool on girls, seriously…) but I can understand wanting to sit in a smoke-filled room, drinking scotch out of crystal tumblers, watching showgirls dance behind a greasy-haired crooner who fills the spaces between songs with slurred one-liners while gulping his drinks on the house. Fat, hairy, nefariously associated “gentlemen” in the best seats, talking loudly and grabbing their clownishly painted female companions. I actually do think that would be swell. But only if I could actually travel back in time. Any attempt at a modern reproduction would be an impotent overly self-conscious study in abject hipsterism, which clearly is abhorrent.

So what the fuck happened when Bruce came along? You could say that he was a reflection of the times. Of the social/political awakening that Baby Boomers love to remind every subsequent generation that they were a part of. This was a great thing, I’m not saying that it’s not. He was fighting for his First Amendment rights, although I don’t think he set out intentionally to do that, or even to piss people off. Maybe he was. Probably was. Anyway if you are unable to listen to his material in the context of his time, which I am not, as I am not old enough to have seen him– he sounds like any comedian around since the 70’s or 80’s who have been swearing their asses off to swells of laughter and applause. His confrontational delivery style was intended to shock, whereas Martin’s is friendly and accessible. Martin was not trying to make a statement, he was just entertaining people. The one thing I do like about Bruce though is not his “shock jock” persona, but that he– perhaps for the first time in popular culture– was exposing his pain on stage and making it funny. Perhaps it was this that made him so offensive, aside from the fact that he fought to say Fuck, Shit, and Pussy. This is one of my favorite things of his: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TrQxeNEPLo

Take another comedian of the time, Bob Newhart. In my opinion, his shit is just not funny anymore. It was revolutionary because he was the first American absurdist stand-up that gained any sort of notoriety. But he was also employing similar devices that Martin did– a disbelief at what he just said, linguistic misunderstandings, (I’m sure there are plenty of proper comedy nerd phrases for all the things I’m describing, but whatever) a cultural unawareness that mirrors Martin’s drunkenness… This begs the question of what makes something timelessly funny. I don’t think anyone has been able to pin that down, anyway. Newhart was using similar devices as Martin and Bruce was utilizing similar topics. So crystallizing what is timelessly funny on these bases seems impossible, making it even more intangible. Unless the only things that are timelessly funny are those things that are bawdy in a metaphorical sense. Are you confused? Me too.

Why the hell am I even bothering to write about this shit? Who cares? It’s all subjective. Is it even worth discussing? Why am I bothering to post this on my blog which is supposed to be about kinky stuff? Aren’t you pissed that there has been nary a phrase for you to jerk off to yet? Ha, as if. I guess because all of the things I listed in the first paragraph linger on or are blatantly taboo. A subject which relates intimately with kink stuff.

Ha, no, that’s bullshit. I just wanted to write about Dean Martin and comedy. It surprised me to read that he was rarely part of the Rat Pack’s late night antics, but would often leave when Sinatra and the rest of the boys partied far into the early morning. He also had custody of his children from his first marriage- something unheard of for the time, and a fact he was not terribly open about. He is, of course, known for being a womanizer and a lover of drink, but some facts make you wonder whether the image he wanted to project got in the way of the real story. But even if that’s true, does it really matter? I prefer to think of him as a calm, collected devil-may-care raconteur. I don’t need the inside track. It’s probably tragic in it’s own way anyway, just like Bruce’s.

On to the good stuff. This is one of my favorites, Dino Live At The Sands (it’s an hour long, but even the first few minutes is hilarious). I highly recommend listening to the whole thing when you get a chance:

This is also another classic, a portion of Live And Swinging, with the rest of the Rat Pack. They brought Johnny Carson in at the last minute, as Joey Bishop could not be there:

xoxo.

Is Your Ass Tingling Yet?!

It must be in anticipation of the Violent Fems spankdown you’re going to get this Thursday at 10pm at The Stonewall Inn! That’s right, Me, Mistress Wynter, Mistress Regan, and Mistress Alex will be there, palms aready for a good cause! There might be other implements in use as well, just because we might feel like it.

All proceeds will go toward the formation of a sex worker health collective- more info here:

On November 29th, the PROS Network and PERSIST Health Project, two peer-led organizations focused on improving access to care, services, and rights for sex workers throughout NYC are hosting PROS/PERSIST: A Benefit for Peer-Led Sex Workers’ Rights & Services in NYC will be held at the historic Stonewall Inn. We’ll be raffling off a host of great prizes including fine art by Mark Dion, and feature a great lineup of performers doing readings, burlesque performances and more!

Tickets will be sold in increments of $10, $25, $50, and $100, and you can BUY ADVANCE TICKETS HERE. Doors open at 7pm sharp!

Performances begin at 8pm

Raffle Prizes Announced: 9:30pm

Guest DJ Shomi Noise and Lap dance and spanking booths open at 10pm

Where: Stonewall Inn, 53 Christopher Street, NYC

We are holding a benefit to raise funds for the following activities:

To expand access to care for sex workers by laying the foundation to open up NYC’s first health clinic run by and for sex workers, similar to St James Infirmary in SF
For advocacy and policy change to decriminalize sex work and prostitution in NY state, and to remove criminal penalties from all consensual sexual behavior (such as racial profiling, immigration laws, and public space)
To conduct best practices training and capacity-building for health care providers, law enforcement, social workers, legal service providers, and community members
And Much More!

NOVEMBER 29th, 2012: PROS/PERSIST: A Benefit for Peer-Led Sex Workers’ Rights & Services in NYC
Stonewall Inn, 53 Christopher St, NYC

Come on down and say hello!

xo.

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In the wake of impending disaster…

Here are a few photos from my last shoot! Please feel free to leave a comment not just about how beautiful I look, but also about topics that you would like to hear me pontificate upon in the future.

Coney Island will never recover.

These are some of the outtakes from our shoot in Coney Island a few weeks ago. “Our” meaning Mistress Alex and I. If you want to see the proper ones, click on my gallery. But these are the fun ones.

Stay tuned (like you won’t) for karate and latex stuff.

xoxo.

This is why.

I have been getting a lot of questions regarding my interests and why I don’t itemize them on my website. First of all, there are way too many things to list and I think it is a bit ridiculous to write everything out. Also, in all honesty, it’s not really about whether I get to tie someone down and whip them, or whether I get to electrify their balls, but more about the interaction itself. Whipping someone can be incredibly boring if there’s not any chemistry. This is because it’s an energetic response I’m looking for, and not simply the imposition of my will. I mean, sure, there are some activities I enjoy more than others, and I get really excited over certain toys, but the thing that is so addictive to me (although I don’t really like that word) is whether I feel like I am hitting a certain spot with a subject psychologically. It requires a lot more focus, but yields a greater reward.

So, whenever someone asks me what my “specialty” is, or what I am known for, I don’t ever really know what to say. I don’t want to be known as the person to go to for X. There are certain things (such as whipping) that require a higher level of skill, sure. But to me it is far more important to make you crumble.

And that’s all you need to know.

xo.

Best Conversation Part Two.

Like a bad joke that you never get tired of, here is yet another installment of what I’m going to call, “Thursdays with Mordi”.

Enjoy:

mordi: Hey daddy

What’s goin on?

Out in da catskills now

Sent at 11:16 PM on Thursday

mordi: Its no more miss its master lol

Sent at 11:18 PM on Thursday

me: oh you are just looking to get horny now, aren’t you?

do you know that I got my vagina back today?

mordi: Just discussed u with a friend

Cum of it?

me: got tired of having that cock. couldn’t keep it because was jerking off too much

mordi: Ure kidding?

Wanted to come over with fay

me: and have her suck my cock??

mordi: Yes

me: oh that’s too bad

she’d have to settle for rubber

although i guess i could get it re-attached

mordi: Did u really have one?

Are ure just pulling my leg?

me: hahahaha!

i guess you’ll never know.

mordi: I think I do:)

me: you are too clever for words!

mordi: When u told its 14

inches that’s when I got suspicious

If u would say 8-9 would of made abit of sense

me: Why would I lie to you?

Modern science is an awe-inspiring thing.

mordi: I’m sooo happy now luvya baby

me: you’re da best.

mordi: Just read recently on

news about da longest cock

Having problems when going through security

An his was just about 14 in

me: I had a bf who was a bit over 12″

mordi: So it didn’t sound right in 1st place

me: ive seen people with bigger, though

mordi: Possible

me: no, i can get any kind i want!

i look in the catalogue and they gave it to me, but it was too heavy.

mordi: No too many 14s around

Don need more then 9

me: well, you’re just not being ambitious enough

mordi: Maybe thick but not longer

Well I’m realistic

Sent at 11:29 PM on Thursday

mordi: Anyway nice talkin to u babe luvya gnite<3

Sent at 11:35 PM on Thursday

Best Conversation Ever.

This is a gchat exchange I had with one of my former clients who’s a little on the shall we say… naive (?) side. I absolutely despise gchatting, but thought I would have some fun. “Me” is clearly Me. Enjoy:

me: I got a sex change, didn’t you hear???

mordi: No omg
Tell me about it please

me: Yeah, I have a huge dick now
all the way down my thight

mordi: Mean it??

me: thigh

mordi: Wow ure so brave

me: yes, i feel more whole as a person

mordi: Did ure voice change too?

me: yes, and I am growing a beard!

mordi: Don’t do that

me: I have huge balls now too.

mordi: U look so beautiful
What could be better then a good looking woman with a big dick

me: yeah, but now i have a huge mandingo cock and swinging fucking hairy bowling balls between my thighs
gee, im not sure.

mordi: How big?

me: 14 inches
you can pick them out of a catalogue now

mordi: Oh my g-ddddd
Where do u hide it?

me: it was same day surgery too, in and out
Why would I want to hide it???

mordi: When was that?
When u go out-must be quite obvious
Wow now I understand y u were hooked up to those vids

me: It is very obvious, yes.
what vids? oh of gay cock sucking?

mordi: Somthing — daddy
Those jail movies

me: Oh, SCUM. With Ray Winstone.

mordi: Yups

me: It’s so big, I can suck it myself now
I can get the tip in my mouth

mordi: Wow wow
Real big
Getting me scared omg
Fucked already with it?

me: yeah, i made a bunch of guys choke on it in a big leather daddy circle jerk the other night

mordi: Gotto cum see u now
Didn’t invite me

me: i know, right? I’m stroking it right now
I can hardly get my hand around it

mordi: Fucked any girls yet?

me: i have to use two hands!

mordi: Thick too?
No way

me: oh yes

mordi: When did u get it?

me: today!
no wait, a few days ago
i haven’t slept because i’ve been jerking it constantly

mordi: Ure so strong wow
Real daddy now
How many times can u cum?

me: I’m unsure, but it’s like a damned cum sprinkler

mordi: Now u gotto tell what’s more pleasure to fuck? R getting fucked?

me: I am just enjoying cumming all over my room on every wall

mordi: Ure so horny mam wow
No mam anymore man lol

me: Yes, I’m just a big hunk of man meat.
Beefcake
Big Daddy Beefcake, that’s what I make the circle jerk guys call me.
Down at Rawhide.

mordi: What do ure gfs say about it?

me: Have you ever been there?
My girlfriends don’t know!
They are going to be shocked!!

mordi: Rawhide?

me: Yes, the gay bar.

mordi: Where’s that?

me: In Chelsea, of course.

mordi: Na I’m not gay

me: Yeah, me neither.

Oh, say can you see…

…my fucking foot in your ass, DC!

I am feeling more and more patriotic as the time comes nearer for my visit to Our Nation’s Capital. Well, patriotic or violent, I can never tell the difference. Ha ha! Wink wink.

I know you’re just dying to read the details, so I will oblige you (this time):

– I will be there from August 1st to the 4th.

– I will be available for sessions with Mistress Wynter and Miss Maya Sinstress. Miss Maya will be leaving on the 3rd, so hurry up and book if you dare.

– You can also get me alone…

Okay, so enough dawdling. Email me at mistressveronicanyc@gmail.com to apply for being an outlet for my pent up frustration with Obama! 🙂

xoxo.

Sometimes I wish I had a twin.

So I could fuck her. I know, I know, it would be incest and everything. And maybe rape if she didn’t want to. Nah, I’m kidding, I would never rape my twin. Can you fuck a hologram?? No, right? Damn it!!