I am not usually an obnoxious drunk, and in fact, take some pride in the fact that I know how to drink, so do not act the fool as soon as I have a glass of wine. I bartended for awhile, so know how fucking annoying it is to watch people who don’t realize what tremendous idiots they’re being. I don’t usually do it, I promise.

But damn if I wasn’t a shit-faced fratboy last night.

It wasn’t because of the election, I didn’t plan on it happening, I wanted to watch the results in a cogent state with some friends. I did! I really did!

I think the last time I got this drunk was when I passed out and tried to piss in the refrigerator. That was like 4 years ago.

So, I just wanted to apologize to everyone who was there who’s ass I tried to grab. Especially Russ, I’m sorry. I think I grabbed your junk too.

Apparently, I also stole someone’s juke box credits in order to play Stevie Wonder. Someone told me that the girl who’s credits I stole came up to me and we “talked”. Hey, if you put credits in the juke box and then walk away, what do you expect? So- I’m not sorry about that. I also did something that made it difficult for them to shut off the juke box when Obama was making his victory speech. I also vaguely remember yelling at the television, telling McCain to shut up, or capitulate, or some such business.

Sorry to Sean, for calling you an “ass fiend” when you asked me if I got home alright. I don’t know where that came from, but now we have a new phrase to throw about. Also, you took it very graciously.

I also called my parents and taunted them at 1 in the morning for voting for McCain. My mother picked up and asked me to taunt when they were awake.

I can’t tell you in what state I awoke today, but it baffled me for like 5 minutes.

I am devoting today to recovering and swearing off vodka.

It’s really nice to hear people honking their horns outside because they’re happy, not because they’re disgruntled. Walking around this afternoon, there is something lighter and happier in the air. Fireworks were going off behind my house last night. There was an impromptu city-wide Mardi Gras in the streets. People smile when they walk past you. I don’t think that Obama is going to make a miracle happen, but it is nice to be amidst the exuberance of those who do. It’s nice to feel like an era of staunch conservativism is coming to an end.

xoxo.

I recently joined Fetlife, which is a sort of Facebook for kinky people. It’s a terrific resource for kinksters, as practically every fetish/kink is represented, and represented well. If you like to wear cat ears while licking flip-flops on a bridge at midnight, there is going to be someone else on there who will be able to relate to that. Some of the discussions that occur on there are really effing enlightened and engaged too. It is more neatly organized than Max as well, as you may join a group that is specific to your interests, and there seems to be very little “trolling” (but, the site is new, so just give it time)

One thing that I’ve found is really terrific is that people are really into wanting to explore the psychology behind various kinks, and to create a space that is very open for people to feel like they are not “sick” or weird. I don’t know if it’s going to change the world of psychology, but it is really reassuring to read articulate reasons why people like certain things, and to have it done in a supportive environment, free of judgment or stigma.

This is especially important for those of us that have fantasies or want to explore fantasies that others think MUST be related to some sort of abuse. This site does much to explore the possibility that the explanation is not that simple, but if in some cases it is, I say SO WHAT??

Telling someone they have “issues” because they like a certain thing that is unusually taboo is pretty much blaming them if any abuse did actually occur (whether the person is aware of it or not). But even if it didn’t- why are you going to disparage someone for wanting to explore some fantasy that they have that doesn’t hurt anyone? By not being open to it, you in effect help them to feel even more guilty or dirty, for allowing these feelings to come to light.

Some thoughts on this:

First of all, it takes an incredible amount of courage to even tell anyone what you like, even your closest companion.

Second of all, why would you disparage someone for finding the courage to tell you something they know you will find a bit disturbing, but perhaps weighs on their mind?

Thirdly, this fantasy and acting it out might actually help the person to heal if they were a victim, or it might actually provide some other sort of comfort that they otherwise would not get, or have not gotten. For instance, liking incest fantasies might be bourne out of someone needing that daddy/little girl dynamic in order to feel a very specific type of nurturance.

Fourthly, why would you not want to provide a service for someone you love who needs it? Why would you approach it from a position of judgment instead of understanding?

Not everyone is a victim of a certain act. Some people are victims of neglect, or lack of action. Why not experiment with what you need to, in order to deal with abuse/lack of attention/etc?

Questions, questions…

Well, I just think that Fetlife is really great. Everyone should join.

xoxo.

SO HERE’S YOUR CHANCE TO SERVE ME, AND PROVE YOU ARE A GOOD BOY!!

WHAT TO EXPECT:

I am filming again with Mistress Cheyenne, so need to get there comfortably and on time- meaning, I might need to nap in the car, undisturbed.

I need to get there preferably around 9 or 10 am. It is a 3 and a half hour ride from NYC to Providence, so we will have to leave around 6am.

Refreshments will be provided (in the form of a “lavish seafood feast”- her words), you are welcome to watch the shoot (as long as you keep out of the way), and there will be other submissive men there with whom you may socialize/commiserate with.

All identities and deeds are kept strictly confidential and private.

We should be leaving Providence around 5pm, so home at 9 or so.

Email me: mistressveronica13@yahoo.com if you are interested.

The decision hopefully will be made by but there is a possibility I will wait until Wednesday for plans to be final.

xoxo.

I was looking for some good spanking porn to download today, and thought I would share the hilarity of some of the sites with you. The above picture is from a site artof.about-spanking.com, which claims their photo gallery is “art” (does the woman in the trenchcoat look suspiciously broad-shouldered to you too?). Below is more “art” in the form of the written word, procured by me, just for you, dear reader.

From spankedschoolgirl.com:

“Rushing home from school, Heather’s itch in her knickers desperately needed a good ‘rub’ and soon her honeypot is dripping as she furiously frigs herself off. Sadly for her, she’s caught in the throes of orgasm by a horrified Uncle who can hear the commotion downstairs. Whilst her minnie’s still oozing, Heather’s given a damned hard spanking and caning for the mucky self defilement.”

“Frigs herself off?” “Minnie’s still oozing?” I love it.

And another:

“Tiffany took a very hard strapping across her bouncing chunky cheeks after school when nobody could hear her cries of pain! This was a really hard dose of leather across this girl’s buttocks and we thoughtfully provided all the results of this severe thrsshing in glorious HD wmv Playback as well!”

Ha ha! Oh, those Brits.

This is from a site that has stories and poems devoted to spanking, called menspanked.com. It’s only one poem- written by a spanking devotee, no doubt, because it has like 20 damned stanzas! I have relieved you the pain of reading the whole thing and chose the “best” stanza:

“Oh Dear! what a walloping Jonathon got !
How Mrs. McTavish belabored his bot !
By the time she had finished the shade of his seat
Was crimson and blue like a rose or a beet !
As red as the poppies that grow in the park
You’d think that his bottom would glow in the dark !”

I love how the exclamation points are like five feet away from the end of the lines !!

Another piece of a story from the same site:

“My buttocks clenched, I knew only too well the sting of mother’s hairbrush! Mother always smacked me over her knee like a baby, she smacked long, she smacked hard, she smacked with the back of her hairbrush and, of course, she always smacked with my trousers down and my bottom BARE!”

Really? But did she really smack you with a hairbrush? Because I’m not sure…

RGE-films.com is one of the best in terms of quality, but their descriptions are BOR-ING!:

“As we mentioned, Joe Balcar is a man experiencing many unfair situations in his life. As we can judge from a phone call, his role at his family is the opposite of his leading post at work – he is a leader of Czechoslovakian Youth Association, an organization covering all youth movements, including youth pioneers. But his wife doesn’t care much – so Joe has to prove his dominancy on younger pioneer chiefs or the girl pioneers.

He courts one of the young chiefs, however, the girl has a boyfriend, who doesn’t hesitate to put his head into a lion’s mouth for her. So we will witness the youths’ sex – where else than in the bathroom? Where else can they hide? Unfortunately, we are not the only ones watching them, also the rejected Joe Balcar is there…

And he won’t forgive this, he will surely find an opportunity. Especially when the young chief neglects her work for her pleasures, and the other girls amuse at the meeting as they want.

Joe, very angry, finds a naked girl pioneer in the corridor, who tries to explain it as a kind of pioneer game activity. Suddenly, the young pioneer chief walks in, all excited and untidy after her toilet adventure.

How can this end up?”

Didn’t read all of it? Me neither. Damn, people, this is not Lion’s Gate here, we all KNOW what’s going to happen!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this romp through the idiosyncratic world of spanking porn with me. It’s Tuesday afternoon, it’s overcast, and I’m bored. If you have any good porn sites to share (about BDSM, not vanilla stuff), please don’t hesitate.

xoxo.

Maybe I have been listening to too much WBAI, but all the new folk music centering around Barack Obama, and the “change” that is supposedly imminent is making me want to puke. Jesus, I thought this genre died when Dylan went electric- what the hell is it doing on my radio?

Some examples:

A song in which the lyrics were just the word, “Obama”, over and over again. Woman’s voice over guitar.

An acapella song (with insipid, Manhattan Transfer-like harmonizing) probably called, “Give Me My Vote Back”- I’m not sure, but that’s all they said for like eight minutes, but what felt like eight days.

Sound-bytes of Bush spewing his pre-war platitudes, set over very serious, sombre music. There are a lot of versions of this. This never gets old on WBAI.

I can’t think of any more because I’ve blocked them out or otherwise turned the radio off before it got the chance to become part of my precious “mind real estate”. Hee.

And what the hell are people elevating Obama to savior-status for? He’s just as crooked as all the other politicians, only his rhetoric is more progressive. This doesn’t mean he IS progressive, only that he can talk the talk. Liberal ideals are a market, and he’s cornered it. He gets funding from corporations and will continue to serve their interests, just like every other politician. If that wasn’t part of the package, what would be the motivation to become a politician in the first place? To altruistically “serve the people”? Get real!

Also, I think it is hilarious that people are finally starting to get mad about the 2000 election, as it’s eight years after the fact. It is an established FACT that it was fixed in Bush’s favor by intentional miscounting, and yet people are just starting to realize this. Read Greg Palast’s “The Best Democracy Money Can Buy”, which came out in 2002, people. And Congress decided not to impeach him, which should have happened for a myriad of other reasons, which I don’t need to belabor. I mean, Bush could eat babies for breakfast and it wouldn’t surprise me at this point.

For the record, I would bet a trillion dollars that I will never in my life vote Republican (because I tend to vote according to issues and not personal morality), but the folk songs need to stop. Seriously. I know that all the Baby Boomers are getting all frothy at the mouth to relive the 60’s, but can you do it with out the proselytizing music? Please? It sounds like a sermon. And sermons are boring.

Also for the record, I will contend hippies did very little to improve the political landscape. I will agree that they affected change socially, but politically- in terms of the war, political power structures, etc, they did almost nothing. That might be another reason I don’t like this easy-listening folk music bullshit- it’s like these people are being all nostalgic for a time when they see themselves as being heroes. But what did they do, really? After they realized they couldn’t live in a commune and call themselves Moonbeam and eat pot brownies anymore, it was time to use Daddy’s money to get a job, right? And there, we had the 80’s, and the ushering in of Ronald Reagan, who pretty much set the scene for us to be in the global economic pickle we find ourselves in today.

Who, by the way, Republican voters, is John McCain’s HERO!! The same Reagan who employed “Trickle Down Economics”. But the Republicans still insist that this is viable, even though the evidence is scant. Perhaps because this economic policy benefits them and their wealthy cronies?? Bah!

The Republicans really know how to work it, though, you have to admit. Creating a massive constituency enrapt in the fear that their morals are constantly in peril due to the influence of the “liberal media”. And then, spouting positive rhetoric around economic policies of the past, although even a cursory evaluation of the last three Republican presidents would reveal otherwise.

I’m not trying to make an argument for the Democrats, but as with previous presidential elections, it is going to be a choice of the lesser of two opportunists. NOT savior vs. scoundrel.

So, hippies, anyone who was a hippie who reads my blog, or knows a hippie, smokes pot with one, or has bought their hemp jewelry- what has your folk music (although you did not invent the genre) done for America? Or rather, what did your movement do for us? And what is an uncritical public that worships a politician who says the right things going to do when things don’t really “change” all that much? And why is everyone so naive?

I really hope I’m proven wrong.

xoxo.

P.S. AS IM WRITING THIS: There is another folk song on (like with a banjo)- that has Obama talking over it about economic policy, and then sings, “I’m worried now, but I won’t be worried long”.

Man, I need to shut this off.

Sorry I haven’t written in so long, but I have been working my ass off non-stop, and caught a cold because of it. Everyone waiting on emails, I apologize. I could hardly open my eyes yesterday, let alone stare at the my interactive television machine.;)

I don’t usually go to Paddles, because all the guys usually creep me out too much. For a girl, it feels like being in a zombie movie. Only instead of eating your brain, they just follow you around and say, “Mistress, Mistress, can I give you a massage?” (with all the inflection and grace of Bill Murray’s character from Caddyshack) I’m just like, “I don’t know, can you?” Massages from guys are hardly ever good, unless they’ve been trained, and that is rare. And by the way, offering a bad one is not “service”, but just a sad excuse to try to touch us. Let’s be real.

You want to offer me a service? Buy me a drink. Carry my purse. Make sure that I am comfortable. TAKE A DAMNED WHIPPING. And don’t expect anything back (re: to massage me), because if you do, that’s not “service”, that’s bartering.

So, Scarlett Stangatta and I spent most of the night taking turns whipping my slave, and I got to hear her deliciously evil laugh- which, the first time I heard it, thought was fake. But no, she really laughs like that. It’s awesome. She should be a comic book villain. We asked some friends from Pandora’s to come out for a spanking, which made more of a scene than I expected it to, as the crowd of leering men managed to fit itself neatly around us eventhough we were in a corridor. All that aside, I might have spanked them longer than they would have preferred… but their butts jiggled so nicely, I just couldn’t help it! I never get to spank girl butt.

It was a singular night also, because Belle du Jour from Leather Ladies showed up. She’s like 85 years old. I recognized her because I saw her website a long time ago, and she looks exactly the same, only smaller and with more old lady cuteness. She was there with Mistress Jeanie (her niece), and some other lady with huge hair and lots of eyeliner who guided her around and scowled a lot. I introduced myself and asked her a lot of questions, (most of which I’ve forgotten the answers to) and probably seemed like an overly eager leering man myself. Someone should interview that lady. In fact, it might not be a bad idea to interview a bunch of “old timers” for a book or a radio show- just so that we have some record of the old days of debauchery. And perhaps as a blueprint to show us how tame we all actually are!!

xoxo.

But I’m going to torture myself (and you) with it anyway.

Discussions on MF really make we want to smack people.

“Is this illegal?” “What has being blatant about our sexuality done to the scene??” “Isn’t it great that domination is being driven deeper underground?” “Now the wheat is definitely going to separate itself from the chaff!”

You know what? Shut up. I’m tired of hearing about it. No matter how you slice it, you can place the blame on anyone you want, the fact is, it ain’t gonna change what’s happening.

For everyone who’s so effing happy about things finally “going underground” again- fuck you. The deeper we go underground, the more people are going to stigmatize us, and the less honestly we are going to be represented. I’ve said this ten thousand times, but the more we let people conjecture about what they “think” we are, the less ground we are going to gain.

The persecution and cop raids are not going to stop, the deeper you go underground. In fact, the more underground you are, the more vulnerable you make yourself. Until very recently, the cops used to have the “fact” that the medical community considered our behavior “unhealthy” on their side. However, now, psychiatry is starting to realize that, oh, maybe they were wrong! In fact, the new DSM V, which is coming out next year, is taking paraphilic activity that is victimless out completely. I’m not saying that this will exonerate us for the world, but it is a start. And it sure as hell did not come around as a result of entrenching ourselves more “underground”.

xoxo.

Okay, not ONLY did the Mets lose their chance at the postseason, but they ALSO lost the very last game there was to ever be played at Shea Stadium. Now, I know that sports don’t matter, and I know that they are a distraction from real issues, and I also know that whether the Mets win or lose has no bearing on my personal reality. It’s all bullshit, and I know that.

BUT WHY DID JERRY MANUEL TAKE JOSE FELICIANO OUT AFTER HE STRUCK SOMEBODY OUT????!!!! Why can’t we manage our bullpen effectively EVER??! Of course it’s not just the fault of the bullpen, because no one seemed to be able to hit the ball tonight either, maybe because they already felt defeated and were wondering, “what’s the point?” or maybe they played their hardest, but could not get a leg up. It seems to me, that if you are playing the last game in your stadium before it’s going to get torn down, that you should put all your effort and focus on winning that game. Everyone was counting on them to at least go out with a bang, but perhaps the pressure was too much. It does not, however, surprise me, as the Mets have a long history of defeat- when I was a kid we had season tickets, and they never managed to win a single game I went to.

Ahhh… speaking of defeat, I have decided to make my blog public again after much deliberation around the possibility of arrest, considering the recent legal climate. I have been advised that certain things I say may be used against me in the event that I am “busted”. I am not sure what I would be “busted” for, as I do not provide illegal services. However, just so everyone knows, under NY law, the definition of “sexual conduct” is ambiguous, and can be used to describe many BDSM activities, including, but not exclusive to, CBT and dildo play. If the phrase is interpreted very loosely, it could also be determined to include things as seemingly innocuous as foot worship and spanking. That is why everyone is scared. Not so much because people make a living from performing illegal acts, quite the contrary, most people I know, including myself, do not consider BDSM to be questionable in that way, however, it’s this ambiguity of the law that has everyone shitting a brick…

BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS IF WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS ILLEGAL OR NOT.

So, we’re all trapped. Too scared to do anything, but too poor to sit on our asses and wait until the whole thing blows over. IF it blows over, because no one knows what the purpose of the busts are- other than to continually marginalize and stigmatize a community that has little respect for itself, let alone the audacity to seek it from other people.

Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Just as long as you’re aware that Big Brother Is Watching You, but he hasn’t taken your First Amendment rights away. Yet.