If you are one of my clients, or are planning to session with me, here is a list of things I like, one or more of which you may bring me to brighten my day (and hence, your session).

Dark Chocolate– 65% cocoa or more. Lindt, Chocolove- well, basically any brands other than Hershey or Cadbury. Any European chocolate excites me as well. I don’t like fruit, although I do love nuts, especially Hazelnuts.

Poland Spring Sparkling Water– raspberry lime or mandarin orange flavors.

Coffee– a good cup of coffee from a coffee shop, not from the diner across the street. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but in order for me to be happy, it should be fresh and light, with no sugar.

Stockings- I don’t like expensive brands. I know I’m supposed to tell you to bring me stuff from Agent Provocateur, but I don’t care. If you can feel the difference between some L’eggs and a pair of $75 stockings from there, then I guess you get a big round of applause. I once had a stocking “connoisseur” ask me what (fantastic!) brand of stocking I wore- he was surprised to find that they cost $5.95. So, why waste the cash? They’re just going to rip anyway. I take Queen-sized, as I am 5’11” barefoot.

If this list is not enough and you want to get me something that will make me jump up and down, email to see what I am eyeing this week.

xoxo.

In talking to other people in the scene, I am gleaning that it is generally assumed that spanking is a “soft” art, or in other words, that we’re considered wussies!?

I am flabbergasted by this, and will have you know that I have made people scream from spanking, okay? I have made people cry, I have made them bleed, and I have made them jump up and rub their bottoms and beg me to stop…

Look- we don’t need any fancy equipment. There is no middleman. It’s just me, you, and the anguishing force of my fleshy palm! Because it’s so basic, I believe it can be more intimate than any other mode of punishment. There are no braided leather nine-tailed spikes, but it does require a certain level of skill in terms of how your hand is wielded. Perhaps because it’s so deceptively simple, Spankers often misjudge their technique. That’s what gets me, because spanking is so much more complicated than a simple slap on the ass! An open-handed slap, as opposed to a cupped-hand can make all the difference in the world. Not to mention the area of the buttocks and upper thighs that you touch. Many people don’t know that you must rub the area not only to warm it up and keep it going, but also to give the Spankee a false sense of security, as half the fun is “tapping that ass” when it is least expected.

It is also fun to tickle certain sensitive places with fingers, but I digress…

With spanking, you feel discomfort from administering discomfort- so, in a sense, you are going through the same thing the sub is going through, but you are doing it to give them more pain. What could be more sadistic than that? To experience pain yourself so that you can keep delivering more pain? That is sick! We are so twisted!

Not only do you develop a complementary relationship with the discomfort, but you feel the energetic reverberations of the other person’s pain, because it’s all right there in your hand. It’s like a pebble dropped in the water- you feel the other person’s reaction, and can have empathy and sense their boundaries much better, IMO. There is also the warmth of the ass, and sometimes a barely perceptible vibration.

Although I very much enjoy flogging, caning, and the like- there is something about using implements that can make one feel quite detached from what the subject is experiencing. But then, perhaps, that is what some masochists desire.

I have also made my fingers black and blue, but this is beside the point.

In closing, I would just like to say: Spanking is hard core, bitches!! Stick that in your latex cat suit and smoke it!

Please watch this when you have a private moment.

http://sexworkerspresent.blip.tv/file/181155/

Guys, just stop it, already. It’s not cool, it’s not ironic, you’re not challenging gender stereotypes- you just look like an asshole. Oh, extra asshole points for wearing a turned-up collar.

Want to do something unexpected? Wear a sequined tube top.

Prostitution may be well on it’s way to becoming decriminalized in San Francisco, but in NYC, things keep getting more absurd.
Not only has the “Scores” Midtown location been shut down (allegedly due to prostitution), but now more strip clubs are coming under fire, as here:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2008/07/19/2008-07-19_sex_was_fine_with_him_lap_dancers_tell_o-1.html

Wow, so glad that my tax money is going toward something worth while, re: disrupting erotic services contracts between consensual adults!!

Oh, and the cops will bust your grandma for being a prostitute, too:

http://wcbstv.com/local/false.arrest.prostitution.2.772037.html

So- make sure she doesn’t look too suspicious while walking to the hospital, okay?

I was in Leather Man yesterday, with my friend D buying butt plugs, and was given a little list of “hanky codes” by one of the salesmen, when he noticed our curiosity over their vast bandana selection. This only increased my own befuddlement, as the list is so particular, especially in regards to the impossibly subtle shades of color it refers to. Do YOU know the difference between robin’s egg blue and light blue? Me neither!!! Maybe I’m not as gay as I thought! What if you are color blind? Does that mean that you could mistake a fist fucker for a rent boy? How embarrassing! It’s dark inside those clubs! What if you mistake mauve for magenta? You think you’re going to get a good pit-sucking, and you end up with a navel-licker. What gives?

If anyone can explain to me why it would be important to signify that you smoke cigars, do tell. I am hoping it is a clever euphemism for a sex act I’ve never heard of, but I doubt it.

A slave made an observation to me that smokers are the last group of people that is still discriminated against. I was like, “Um… what do you think your boss would say if he watched you hanging upside down while two girls with boxing gloves punched your balls?” He was like, “Uhhh….”

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

(This is one of my favorite rants, by the way)

We are all so imprisoned by shame over what we like, that it reminds me of where the gay rights movement was in like, 1990. No wait, scratch that- more like circa 1960 because we don’t even have a movement. Or else, it is a small collection of people who conspire in basements, talking about which protest they should join that week. Who no one knows about. Do you know about them? No. Exactly. They advocate for your sexual freedom, but you still have no idea who they are. Cool. Not like you should. They are a community of fairly insular people who do this work in their spare time.

Since most people keep their kinkiness fairly discrete and out of their ‘vanilla lives’, there is no incentive to speak out. Perhaps not until the cops start raiding clubs or trying to shut them down, a la “Stonewall”. Still, I feel this must be horribly isolating.

I’m not talking about wearing a pin saying how kinky you are, although the gay rights movement took that approach, I am just saying that it would be nice if people could be more open with their partners- even though that would probably put me out of a job, lol.

How many of you wish you could be completely open about your sexual preferences? Are you open with your significant other? Why? Why not? Is it an important topic for you, or do you prefer to keep your kinks discrete? Do you feel like if you came out to your partner, that they would find you depraved or maybe even sick?

I contend that the repression of these desires (ones which are paraphilic, but in essence, not hurtful toward another party) is psychically detrimental. Acting on these desires, one experiences a sense of catharsis similar to what one gets from going to a good psychologist. I hate to use the word, “therapy”, but there are many similarities. In a good session, where one may “be themselves”, the subject acts out scenes, or experiences pain which a part of them desires. It is the same principle behind art therapy, or Jungian hypnosis- to let your inexplicable feelings, thoughts, etc express themselves openly in a safe environment. There is a sense of freedom that comes from this, perhaps because there is something in your mind telling you that you must do this in order to heal. Not saying that kinkiness is the result of some childhood trauma. Perhaps it is a reaction to the trauma some people experience on a daily basis, the reasons behind it may be myriad. However, speaking from experience, there is a healing aspect to it, which I think is largely ignored or denied inside and outside of the community.

Would your partner want to deprive you of going to your therapist? Is it that simple? No. But neither is feeling that there is something wrong with you.

eaten all the corner stores near my house out of the good Haagen Dasz flavors. Please, bodega man, don’t make me eat Ben n Jerry’s!!!

Often I catch myself doing things when I’m alone that I would not do in mixed company. Or in any company, for that matter.

Singing at the top of my lungs to Mary J. Blige, white-girl dancing to hip hop and rapping (I imagine I am a “fly girl”), having long, drawn-out conversations with my cats that mostly involve trying to get them to sit on my lap, rocking OUT to Guns N Roses, talking to my plants…

Does anyone else catch themselves humming the ice cream truck ditty? It’s like, the most annoying song in the world, but I’ll be washing my dishes and start singing it. Perhaps other people don’t have quite the industrious ice cream truck drivers that I do, roaming the streets in droves, it seems like.

Hope everyone is well. Please feel free to leave a comment- I haven’t had one in a while, so am feeling somewhat like I am talking to myself in my apartment…